Postcard from Bishkek

Today is one of those funny little holidays that originated in the United States – although the idea seems to be catching on and I see from a Russian site that it is now considered to be an International day – Hug Day, (National Hugging Day or International Hugging Day).

It’s a totally artificial, secular “holiday”, the creation of one man – the Reverend Kevin Zaborney, a psychology graduate – who launched the idea back in 1986 and it was included in Chase’s Annual Events, (a special diary or almanac that lists special events such as this … which was originally published by a Mr. Chase but which has since been bought and is now published by McGraw Hill), partly, I suspect, because there was apparently a family connection with the original publisher.

The idea was simple: to encourage encourage people to hug members of their family and their friends …  He had noted that

• there are supposed to be real benefits, (both, psychologically and physiologically), from physical contact … hugging and even simply holding hands … such as relieving stress and the harmful physical effects associated with it; lowering blood pressure and heart rate.  Furthermore it is thought that physical contact – hugs – can help to improve the immune system and thus decrease the risk of heart and other diseases – it’s a sign of affection and support: “we’re here for you” … but that
• many people are embarrassed to show their feelings in public and refrain from physical contact and outward shows of affection, Americans in particular, and this was reinforced in 2003 when a study revealed that, on average, the French spent about three times as much time in physical contact with each other than the Americans …

Anyway, as the saying puts it, “from small acorns mighty oaks grow” and, although Zaborney is on record as saying that he expected the idea would “fail” it seems that the idea has caught on and been adopted in several other countries … although I don’t think it has has received much attention here.

The “official” website commemorating the day – yes, there is an official website and the phrase National Hugging Day has actually been registered as a Trademark – has a greeting text in eight different languages.

Apparently the date, 21st January was chosen – not exactly at random but because it falls more or less half way between the emotional high spots of the Christmas and New Year holidays and the holiday which symbolizes affection: St. Valentine’s Day ..a period seen as a dark and emotional wasteland.

I am reminded of that other “artificial” holiday which supposedly commemorates the “most depressing day of the year”: Blue Monday - created to simply boost sales for the tourism industry.

I think it is fair to say that although there may well be benefits to be gained from personal contact, hugging  holding hands or even a “high five”, there are a few provisos.

For a start, some of the research seems to indicate that the strength of the accrued benefits may depend on who is maintaining the contact … the closer the relationship, the stronger the positive effect.  That’s not to say that hugging a stranger can’t also be beneficial … just that the benefit tends to be stronger when it is given by a loved one

Secondly, in this day and age when we are almost conditioned to find such outward public displays of affection uncomfortable, they can be misinterpreted and unwelcome.   Calls for “Give us a Hug” or “Group Hug” can make others feel uneasy.

I know that , myself, am pretty standoffish when it comes to public displays of affection … I tend to turn around and walk away when someone calls for a “group hug”.  Personal Space is important to me and I am reluctant to enter into more than formal physical contact such as a handshake. In that respect, I am probably a lot worse than the average American

That’s a bit of a problem here  because there is very little notion of “personal space” here in Kyrgyzstan.  It could be a result of the fact that large families (several generations) tend to live together in confined spaces – be it a small apartment or a yurt.  This might help foster family cohesion and spirit, but there is very little of what we would consider “privacy”.  Very few children, for example, have their own room. Growing up “cheek by jowl”, as it were, tends to have an effect on the way that people interact with one another.

Different societies have developed different techniques of handling such issues.  James Clavell in Shogun, for example, writing about Japanese society in the sixteenth century, describes how the people internalized their thoughts and emotions, developing an inner life or personality, and constructing a formal system of rules to govern their behaviour as techniques to help them cope with this lack of privacy.

People tend to stand much closer to their interlocutor here than they do in the West.  A Westerner who tries to maintain the standard “comfort zone” of 60cms of “personal space” will be in for a surprise … as they back away from the person they are talking to will move close – to close the gap that opens up.  At first glance it appears an aggressive move – but it isn’t … it is perfectly natural and customary here .. but it does take some getting used to.

Take the perfectly ordinary handshake.  A Westerner will stand their distance and extend their hand … the two participants will grasp hands and pump up and down somewhat perfunctorily and then let go.  Here on the other hand, the other person will come and stand quite close … take the proffered hand and after the perfunctory pumping, hold on to it – often – especially in the case of a younger person, they will lace their other hand over their heart as they are talking to you.

Much more disconcerting is the tendency to take hold of your arm with their free hand rather than placing it over their heart … and they don’t let go while you are talking … it’s  sign of respect and a way of showing that they are giving you all their attention … but it can seem aggressive – especially if they have already had a little to drink.  I always have remind myself to keep calm when trying to extricate my hand, or simply asking if I can have my hand back, will they please let go!

And, please don’t forget, I am a man … apart from the fact that men rarely shake hands with women, the rest of what I have said about the lack of personal space still holds.  Its is perhaps most noticeable in the bazzars and spermarkets, (the aisles in the supermarkets are incredibly narrow with barely space for single file traffic yet alone passing-by someone who is busy perusing the goods on the shelf), and on public transport . (which tends to be crowded at the best of times.  It’s not quite as bad as the Tokyo metro with people employed to squeeze people through the doors so that they close, but people do stand/sit close to each other … and think nothing of it) … despite all the implications, risks and opportunities that this might offer for pickpockets and bag slashers, petty thieves, bag snatchers and muggers.

Indeed, people may brush up against one another, bumping into one another and unless they know each other, (in which case they would probably greet each other and may even stop to pass the time of day), they may continue on their way as if nothing has happened … no apologies offered – but then, none are usually expected unless it was a serious “bump” and someone may have been hurt.

 

People are not “afraid” of physical contact in the same way as in the West – young people, for example, can be seen walking holding, hands, arm in arm, one arm around the shoulders, shaking hands with almost any acquaintance they meet on the street, possibly hugging when they meet, or sitting arranging each other’s hair.  It can be a sign of respect, such as grasping and holding on to someone’s arm when you are shaking hands, or an expression of friendship, camaraderie – but not necessarily anything more, (and it’s especially important to remember this if the two happen to be of the same gender !) … it doesn’t have any erotic or sexual connotation

… but then again, in the West, a hug doesn’t necessarily have sexual connotations either.

 

One of the really nice things about this holiday is that it is not really commercial .. oh, I am sure that some entrepreneur will have worked out a way to make money out of it, but what does a hug cost? …  apart from the physical and emotional effort.  So, why not commemorate International Hugging Day with the people you care for … and, go on – be a devil …  give them a hug.

 

Tags: Cultural_Differences