Sweet sixteen
I often comment that the Kyrgyz “love a celebration as much as the next man”, so it’s not surprising that there seems to be a toi for every occasion.
For the record: There are several occasions when it is traditional to hold a party to mark some milestone in a child’s life – like a birthday party – called a “toi”. The dictionary translates this word as “feast” – or as “to satisfy one’s hunger”.
Life amongst the nomadic Kyrgyz was extremely harsh and there was a high infant mortality rate. As a result birth and childhood were associated with many beliefs, superstitions and rituals – many of them with “shamanistic” overtones. Quite a few of these have survived down to the present day.
Usually, the Kyrgyz families had many children, as the head of family was responsible to continue his lineage – and hence boys were highly regarded as they would enable this to happen. A man, who did not have a son, was a very unhappy person as his family line had to stop with him. The Manas epos opens with the childless Djakyp expressing grief because he has no son to carry on his name and care for him in his old age.
If the wife of a nomad could not have children, (or she was just gave birth to girls), then he could marry a second wife, or even a third – although this is not practiced today.
There is a phrase amongst the Kyrgyz that when a daughter is born … the family is not raising a child of their own, they are raising a child for someone else. If she is later “stolen” as a bride, the groom’s family may well call her parents with the news, “You no longer have a daughter – she is our daughter now”. Her allegiances now switch from being to her natural family, to her husband and his. Another interesting saying is: “The birth of a girl is an addition to the herd, the birth of a boy is an addition to the defenders”.
Life was not necessarily easy for children. They are expected to undertake tasks from an early age. The girls would learn mainly domestic tasks, helping the older women, whilst the boys might be assigned to look after some of the livestock. Idle, or lazy, children would be castigated and criticized … for example, it might be said that: “hopeless Aybek’s son is still a baby after ten years”.
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Every stage in a child’s growth and development was marked in some way. Amongst the different tois that exist, there are:
The Dje-entek Toi – is a celebration of the birth of the newborn child, where people are given melted butter (“sary mal”) which has been kept especially for the occasion in the stomach of a slaughtered lamb (or calf). Guests usually bring clothes for the baby – or maybe a shyrdak.
Kyrkan Chygatuu – a celebration held on the fourth day after the birth.
Another birthday party is called a Beshik Toi (“beshik” = cradle). A Beshik is a traditional wooden cradle found throughout Central Asia, the Caucasus and India – with an arc at each end and a rod joining them which is used to rock the baby to sleep. Traditionally, it is made from archa, (juniper). The Beshik toi is organized for the occasion when the child is placed in the cradle for the first time – usually in the first seven days after the birth. An old woman places the child into the cradle, a sign that the child would live as long as this old woman. (Interestingly – the shroud in which the dead are laid in the grave is also called a Beshik … it is the first and last bed).
The “appearance” - Koroonduk - (The word comes from the Kyrgyz word “to see”). The newborn infant is kept in seclusion for forty days. It was believed that a child stepped from the animal kingdom into the human world only after forty days. The baby is “anointed” with forty drops of salted water by specially chosen people and presented with a piece of patchwork – Kudak – which is made from forty pieces of material stitched together. (Forty – One for each day they have lived.) The baby’s hair would be shorn by an aksakal, who would receive a chapan for his services, and then buried in a sacred spot so that it could not be used in magical rites to harm the child. When neighbours, friends and relatives see the new born baby for the first time then they traditionally give a monetary gift to the parents.
Cutting the Binds: Tyshoo Kesuu - after the child’s first steps the legs are bound – then a party is held with races – usually five different races: for men, women, teenage boys, teenage girls, and children under 10. Presents are given to the winners – one of whom then cuts the binds around the child’s legs. Sometimes referred to as Tushoo kyrkuu which is a celebration held to mark the child’s first birthday.
(I wrote a postcard describing a Tyshoo Kesuu that I attended last year.)
Circumcision - chochok kestiryy, suinnet: according to Muslim tradition male children are circumcised, not at birth, but sometime between three and seven years old – and, again, a toi is organized. (For the record, no, I have never attended on of these … and, to be honest, I am not sure that I want to … I am too squeamish.)
When a child was between three and four years old, they would be placed on a horse with a special child’s saddle - ayrmach. A boy was provided with a kurdjun full of boiled meat, and one his adult relatives would ride with him around the local community, (ail), leading his horse from yurt to yurt. Each person coming out of a yurt to greet them was treated to meat from the Kurdjun and would, in turn, present the child with some harness or other livery, so upon arriving back home, the child would have gathered all the necessary things for his own horse.
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The Kyrgyz, of course, aren’t alone in this. Every culture has its own traditions associated with milestones in a person’s life. In Britain, for example, we have Christenings and Confirmation, (the Catholics celebrating a child’s First Mass); the Jew’s have the Bar Mitzvah and Bat Mitzvah when a boy or girl reach their thirteenth birthday and assume all the religious responsibilities of adulthood.
Here in Kyrgyzstan, the age of majority is basically 16, although there are still some restrictions which complicate matters a little. Once they pass their 16th birthday, then a child can apply for a passport, open a bank account, enter into contracts and have other rights. On the other hand, they also assume certain legal responsibilities and can, for example, be called up for military service.
Now, when I was young, sixteen was important age because that was when compulsory education finished. It was possible to leave school and enter the “adult” world of employment. That didn’t necessarily mean, however, that you ceased to be considered as a minor and legally became “an adult” with all the legal privileges and responsibilities that this involves. One passed the age of majority and received “the key of the door”, only on their twenty-first birthday.
Then, in 1970, just as I was approaching my 18th birthday, this legal threshold was lowered to eighteen … so I belonged to the first group of people who received “the key of the door” at the age of 18.
Of course, there wasn’t a single age threshold … some things were permitted, for example, from the age of 16, (such as being able to drive a motorcycle, whereas you had to be 17 before you could drive a car). At that time, although the “age of consent” for sexual relations was generally 16 and you could get married at 16, it was only possible if you had your parents’ consent and, if they chose to withhold it, then you would have to wait until you were 18.
For the record: I say that the age of consent was ”generally” 16, because for homosexuals it was still 21 – and there were a number of other restrictions which complicated the situation still further. It was only in 1994 that it was lowered to 18, and at the end of 2000 that full equality was achieved when the age of consent for all – regardless of sexual orientation – was set at 16 … unless, that is, you happened to live in Northern Ireland.
In the United States, the age of majority is also 18 … except in Alabama, (unless you happen to be married – marriage is considered to “emancipate” you), and Nebraska where it’s 19, and in Mississippi, where it it is 21.
Even so, Americans often throw special “Sweet Sixteen” parties for their offspring on their sixteenth birthday – although they are generally held for daughters, in these days sexual equality, some families try to do something similar for their sons too.
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So, why has my attention been drawn to this particular theme? … because today is the sixteenth anniversary of my arrival here in Kyrgyzstan. It was on July 25th, 1995, that I arrived, originally just for one year. Now, sixteen years later, I am still here … and, like any teentager, wondering what the future might hold for me.
Bishkek