Queues and Respect
I was told a funny story the other day. An American consultant was asked if he had experienced any difficulties or problems as a result of the recent upheavals following the events of April 7th, The Easter Revolution.
He replied: “No, not really. Well, yes there was one incident.”
His questioner was interested, what was it?
Apparently he had been in the market, buying some provisions and an old man pushed forward and wanted to be served. In response, our consultant said something like “Oi, wait your turn!” and this resulted in the old man turning on him and yelling at him in what seemed to be a stream of abuse. Fortunately the person on the stall spoke some English and explained that the old man was upset because the consultant was being disrespectful to him. “It’s our culture, you know, she said. You have to show respect to your elders.” The consultant was a bit flummoxed by this and asked how old the man was. “Sixty”, came back the reply. Indeed, he looked older. The consultant then got out his passport and showed to the person on the stall and asked her to show it to the old man. The date of birth was 1947 – he was sixty three. The old man should be showing him respect, as he was the elder.
There are two aspects of this story which struck me: the first was the question of queuing, and the second is the concept of “respect”:
Queuing
I know this sort of situation quite well … where someone pushes in. They just don’t seem to have any concept of queuing here.
On one occasion, for example, I was buying some goods in a shop and someone just pushed me aside and asked for a packet of cigarettes. To my amazement, despite the fact that they were in the middle of serving me, the shop assistant took his money and served him. I turned and walked away … saying I would never return.
On another occasion I asked the woman who was pushing in front of me if she had heard of the word “o-cher-et”, (it’s the Russian word for queue), and said “it’s a Russian word, surely you’ve heard of it.” She looked at me in amazement and this time it was she who turned around and walked away.
On a third occasion, I was in the local supermarket, having selected some vegetables from the display, I joined the queue to have them weighed and priced ready for the cashier. There was a slight problem in that there wasn’t one queue, the weighing station stood in the aisle and so there were two queues, one on either side. The assistant took the bags of vegetables from the two queues alternating between the two queues: first from the person at the head of the queue on one side, and then from the person at the head of the queue on the other side. One woman standing behind me didn’t want to wait and leaned over handing her bag of vegetables to the assistant out of turn. Incensed, I said, “No, you don’t – I was next in line”, and took them out of the assistant’s hand. The woman was at first flummoxed and then started to remonstrate with me so, to their amazement, I invited the person in the other queue to have their purchases weighed ahead of me … then the next, and then the third, before finally handing over my purchases to be weighed. The woman, walked off, leaving her purchases on the counter. (To be honest, in her shoes, I think I would have done the same.)
Respect
The Japanese have a national holiday called “Respect for the Elderly Day”, and perhaps this would be a good holiday for the Kyrgyz as they have a strong tradition of respect for their elders.
According to Kyrgyz tradition, for example, it is the responsibility of the youngest son to take care of his parents. The older brothers may marry and move away from home to establish their own households – traditionally they were given a yurt of their own to start their married life – but not the youngest son, who stayed with his parents and inherited their yurt. Sometimes the parents decide it is not necessary – but this extension of the general tradition or respect – where youth acknowledges and respects its elders – which is so firmly entrenched in the local psyche that it is rarely defied.
There are a number of titles which are used when addressing an older person as a sign of respect. An older male may well be referred to as baike, (aka or ake) and an older person may refer to a younger one as uke or uka. In pre-soviet times a number of other titles were also used – khan, bek, bai and myrza were assigned to men, whilst ayim (= “madam”) to older women. The Kyrgyz word joldosh was the equivalent to the Russian “tovarisch”, or comrade, but is not used that much today.
Now, although the word “respect” is a small one, the concepts behind it are far from simple. I have a different approach to, and a different understanding of “respect”. It seems to me, for example, that the word can simply be taken to mean taking somebody’s feelings, needs, thoughts, ideas, wishes and/or preferences into consideration, but there are different interpretations for the concept.
For example, there is the idea of “respecting the law” – abiding by, keeping the law or showing a “healthy respect” for an angry person.
There is a general respect that everyone is entitled to be shown “respect”, and it is not tied to any particular attribute … age, gender, personal history, relationships, etc.
These attributes, may well demand that the person is entitled to a different type of “respect”. Clients, for example, deserve “respect” because they are customers, patrons. They not only pay for the goods and services which we provide, but they also “feed” us … it is thanks to them that we have the opportunity to earn our daily living.
There is also “respect” which is due to a person by virtue of their position. They are shown respect not by virtue of who they are, but by the position that they hold. A Republican can still respect the Queen, as the Head of State, even though they might campaign and work for the overthrow of the monarchy and replacement of it by a different system of government. Askar Akaev and Kurmanbek Bakiev, for all their faults that led to the Revolutions that Kyrgyzstan has suffered in recent years, were the elected Presidents of the country and therefore were accorded respect as the holders of that office. The Prime Minister deserves “respect”, as the Head of Government, even from those who don’t agree with him or his policies, or belong to a different political party. Officers in the military are saluted by junior ranks as sign of “respect” as well as a matter of disciple. I, as General Director of the company, deserve “respect” because of the position I hold – irrespective of what people think of me as a person. When I was a teacher, I expected a certain standard of behaviour from the children in my class – and, indeed from those pupils of the school who weren’t in my class – that was associated with the fact that I was a teacher in the school, not necessarily because I was an adult and they were children.
Finally, there is the “respect” that is given to someone as a judgment of their personal qualities, work, achievements and/or commitment. You could say that this sort of respect has been “earned” by them in addition to that which is “granted” to them by their humanity, relationship of position. It is, perhaps, the most valuable form of respect … the hardest to obtain … and the easiest to lose.
To be honest, I have to admit that this question of respect for older people is one the cultural mores that I have fallen foul of several times. I can think of at least three occasions when someone has complained to me that I have failed to show them respect … they are older than me, (which was true), and I should show them respect. On each occasion I explained to them that I am more than happy to show them respect for their age … I will stand up to let them take my seat; I will listen attentively whilst they recount about the Hunger of the 1930’s or their experiences during the Great Patriotic War, (World War Two), or whatever; but I will not let them behave in an inappropriate way or “let them have their own way” simply because they are older than me. I also am a “chelovek”, (a person), and as such I am also entitled to “respect” – which they have failed to show me.
I am all for showing respect someone who is older than me … in fact I think that everyone deserves to be shown respect … old and young alike … until, that is, they do something to lose it.
Bishkek